It Gets Worse
by ShayaLay
Summary: Chase finds a book on eating disorders and gets addicted to it. He decides to try it for himself! He only did it a few times, no big deal right...? Right? Trigger Warning: Contains Bingeing and Purging if that triggers you easily DON'T READ.
1. The Book

**New story! I hope you guys enjoy this one! 3**

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Chase POV

I was eating breakfast and on my laptop doing whatever. I was actually looking at articles talking about how girls throw food up in order to lose weight or throw up after eating large amounts of food to prevent weight gain.

"Hey Chase, we're going to the movies!" I heard my sister say.

It was Saturday so my siblings usually go out to watch a movie, but I never go with them because I don't like the films they like. I kept reading what I was reading. I thought it was a little interesting, I also thought I could lose a little weight...

But I would never do that. I closed my laptop and decided to go out for a walk.

It was nice out. I went to the library since I had nothing else to do and read a little.

When I was scrolling through the books on the shelves something caught my eye... A book... On eating disorders. At first I was wondering whether or not I should look through it or not but I ended up doing so anyway.

I was reading how it starts off as a little thought in your mind and then it becomes a part of your life that you just can't let go of.

There were also stories of other peoples experiences with eating disorders and how they overcame it.

I don't know why but when I left I took the book with me. I had to take it. I was reading it the whole way home. I just couldn't stop reading it, I couldn't let go of it.

When I got home it was lunch time. I was still reading.

"Hey Chase where were you?" Leo asked me.

"The library." I said without taking my eyes off of the book.

"Really? What are you reading?"

I quickly closed the book and hid it behind my back.

"Uh... What are you hiding...?" Leo asked curiously.

I didn't want them to know I was reading this and give them the indication that I had an eating disorder, so I changed the subject.

"I think i'll make a sandwhich." I said as I walked to the refrigerator.

I made a sandwhich but I was still thinking about the book.

"I wonder if it works?" I thought to myself as I finished the last bite of my lunch.

I just kept thinking about the book and my weight. I could stand to lose a couple of pounds. I got up from my seat and ran to the bathroom.

I can't believe what I was about to do. I turned on the water and let it run before kneeling down in front of the toilet. I slowly slid my fingers down my throat and suddenly started gagging. And then food came up.

I kept doing it until almost all of the food came up. Yeah it was a little uncomfortable but I powered through it.

I rinsed my mouth out, washed my hands, and splashed my face with cold water. I looked at myself in the mirror.

"Never do that again." I said to myself.

I went downstairs and just sat there, thinking. I didn't know what to think of myself, I was a little dissapointed.

"Hey Chase, is this yours?" I saw Tasha hold up the book. Oh no I forgot I had left it on the counter!

"Uh... No. Where did you find it?"

I was a little nervous. I really wouldn't know how they would react.

"On the counter. Well if nobody wants to claim it I guess I'll just throw it on the shelf." She said while placing the book on the shelf in the living room.

When she left I grabbed the book and hid it in my room. I didn't have a pillow so I hid it in my dresser. I guess I was a little embaressed about it. I decided to take a nap.

I woke up around 3:00. I am always bored on the weekends since I have no friends.

I went downstairs and my brothers were playing video games, figures.

"No you totally cheated Leo! No fair!" Adam pouted.

I chuckled a little and went on a walk. I went to the park and sat on a bench, reading my book of course... But then...

I reached the end. I felt as if my heart had stopped right there. I didn't want it to be over, I thought of the book as a... Oh I don't know... A comfort. I felt like I had just died a little, everything was in black and white. I didn't know what to think.

I just went home and sulked on the floor until dinner.

I felt a little sick after eating, like I shouldn't have. I decided that I would go purge my guts out again, and I did. It seemed slightly easier this time, weird. I felt horrible. I knew I shouldn't have done that but I did and it's too late. So I went downstairs to watch a movie.

After the movie I was feeling tired so I went to bed. I was still upset about my book, even knowing I could read it again it wouldn't be the same.

I woke up at 2:00 AM feeling kind of hungry. I ignored it at first but a few minutes later I knew I wouldn't get to sleep without eating anything so I went downstairs for a snack.

I looked in the fridge and the pantry.

"So many options." I very quietly said to myself.

I was sort of very hungry so I made three sandwhiches grabbed a few bags of chips and a chocolate bar and ate it all quietly in my room.

After I was finished I felt so guilty, not to mention bloated, and then I thought of a solution.

I knew it was wrong and I could damage my body badly but this was only my third time, what could go wrong?

I read in my book that some bullimics find it easier to use a tooth brush to throw up and chugged a glass of salt water. I did that and I was very surprised at how much came up. I kept shoving the end of the tooth brush down my throat until nothing but stomach acid and water came up.

I was very pleased at how well I did. I flushed the toilet and cleaned myself up and went back to my capsule. My throat hurt but I felt really good after doing that.

The next morning my stomach fell to my feet as Tasha asked me

"Chase are you feeling okay? I heard you throw up last night."

I was freaking out! She heard me! I didn't know what to say, I couldn't say anything but

"Yes I wasn't feeling well and I got sick last night, but i'm better I promise!"

It wasn't a total lie, I felt terrible after eating all that food last night so I made myself sick. Anyway she seemed to believe me so I was okay. She felt my head and said

"Alright but If you start to feel bad again tell me and I will give you some medicine."

I nodded and walked off. I didn't feel like eating anything since my little "session" so I just skipped breakfast.

I didn't eat lunch that day either. I was sort of hungry but I had no desire to eat. I kind of just did whatever and forgot about my book until I saw it in my dresser looking for a shirt. Then I had an idea!

I figured that maybe there is another book like this at the library! I got excited, I didn't know what drew me towards books like these but whatever it was, it was kind of taking over my mind.

I went back to the library and found two other books like it! I immediatley started reading one of the books and it was when I was about halfway in when I realized how late it was. Wow this day went fast, it was already 6:00 oclock.

I went home and I really didn't wanna eat but everyone sat at the table so I had no choice.

"Hey Chase, don't tell me you spent half the day at the library again! You can only read so much you know that?" Leo laughed.

"I just like books. Books for me is like pigzombie for you." I told him.

"What do you read anyway?" Bree asked.

"Probably geeky science stuff!" Adam teased.

"Quiet kids the the game's on." Davenport told us. I laughed a bit before realizing I had finished my plate. I should've felt satisfied, full. But I didn't I threw my plate in the sink and ran upstairs.

I turned the water on and purged again. It hurt, it was horrible, but it was good. I tried my best to throw everything up but I couldn't get the last bit out. I flushed and washed up and looked in the mirror. I thought

"What is happening to me?"

I went to my room and cried myself to sleep.


	2. Getting Through The Day

**Hey guys! Here is chapter two! I didn't make you wait too long did I?**

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Chase POV

For once the alarm woke me up the next morning.

Usually my brain tells me when to wake up but not this time. I didn't think much of it I just went to go take a shower.

I found those books in my dresser again. I wanted to pick one up but I knew I had to go to school and that they would only be a distraction, so I closed the drawer and went downstairs.

I was just too worried, I was afraid to eat because I might throw up.

"Good morning chase!" Bree said with a smile.

"What made her so happy?" I thought.

"Morning Bree." I said sitting on the sofa flipping through the channels. There was never anything on. What's the point of cable?

"Aren't you gonna eat breakfast?" She asked me.

"Oh no! If I eat I'm afraid I'm gonna throw it up!" I thought to myself

"I can't just say no... What will she think?" I continued mentally talking to myself.

"Uh... Yeah." I said as I grabbed a banana.

"It's just a banana, it's healthy." I told myself. "Please don't throw up!" I hoped as I started eating.

After I ate it I had that feeling again, that feeling of guilt. "Uh, I'll be a moment." I said running upstairs.

The sudden urge to vomit was taking over my mind! It hurt! I couldn't avoid it! I used my fingers to throw up everything I ate. I couldn't help it! I was weak! Why would I do this?!

"Just stop Chase, this will be the last to time you throw up intentionally." I said to myself even though I knew it probably wouldn't be. I was really disappointed, I am so weak.

I ran downstairs, grabbed my bag and headed off to school.

-At School-

I was absolutely starving! At about 10:00 am I was so hungry I felt like crying! That wasn't surprising since I threw up everything I ate. I started to doze off.

"Mr. Davenport are you paying attention?" I heard the teacher say.

"What? Oh! Uh, yeah I'm listening." I said still exhausted. Bree looked at me worriedly, I could tell she knew something was up.

"Mr. Davenport, I have never thought I would ever ask this of you but will you please stop daydreaming and pay attention so I wouldn't have to give you detention?!"

"Wow, harsh." I thought. I figured I had better pull it together before people started getting suspicious.

Later, the bell rang and I was ecstatic! I was so hungry I could literally eat the mystery meat right now, okay maybe not that hungry.

I piled so much food on my tray one kid asked if I wasn't being fed at home. Instead of eating with my siblings like I usually do, I ate alone at one of the tables in the back corner.

After eating I felt worse, I felt like I was going to burst! I wasn't sure whether or not purging at school was a good idea, but I was about to find out.

I rushed to the bathroom and fortunately, it was empty. I locked myself into one of the stalls and got scared. "I can't do this!" I told myself. "You're destroying your body by doing this!" I said.

I took a deep breath and purged everything I ate. When I was done I felt a little better. I wasn't very hungry or very full, but at the same time I failed myself, and ended up purging again.

I looked at myself in the mirror, my eyes were puffy and red. I sighed and washed up.

I ran into Bree on the way out. Of course.

"Hey Chase, what were you doing in there?" She asked me

"What do you mean what was I doing in there? I was going to the bathroom!"

"I heard strange sounds when you were in there. Were you throwing up?"

"Were you listening to what I was doing?"

"No, I just happened to be standing right next to the door and I heard you!"

"Look just, leave me alone!" I said. Then I ran away.

Bree POV

There was something very weird going on with chase. I was going to run after him but I decided to just leave him be. I didn't want to assume the worst or anything but I believe chase is bulimic.

I could be totally wrong but let's be real, he never eats meals with us besides dinner, he is always running to the bathroom, and he always smells like breath mints.

I just decided to try and forget about it for the day... But I couldn't.

After school I saw Chase again, but I didn't talk to him. I wasn't really sure if he wanted to talk to me either, and besides, what would I say?

We went home and I watched TV for a little while.

"Bree! Move I need to watch wrestling!" Adam cried.

"No, I hate wrestling. How is watching people flip each other entertaining?"

"It is for me!" He yelled while taking the remote control.

I didn't really care, I had better things to do like, figure out what Chase was up to. I could talk to him... But not today, he would just probably keep claiming up and down "I am not acting weird!". Why does Chase have to be so difficult?!

"Well if I can't talk to him... Maybe I can talk to somebody else!" I thought and went to go tell somebody. What could go wrong?

I ran to the lab, I could tell Mr. Davenport! He would know what to do!

"Mr. Davenport? I need to tell you something."

I told him about Chase and he seemed pretty upset for some reason, I started to worry a bit.

"Where is he?" He asked me.

Chase POV

"I can't believe I just ran away like that! That was not gonna help the case any!" I thought to myself.

I just couldn't stop doing it, it was like a drug, No matter how much it hurts and no matter how much damage it causes I am addicted. I needed to tell somebody I just didn't know how.

I sighed and decided to start reading the other books I got. It said that one girl had to purge 11 times a day! That really scared me.

I closed the book and went downstairs, but was unfortunately greeted by an angry Mr. Davenport.

"Chase, we need to talk! Bree told me what was going on with you!" He told me.

"Oh no... She didn't!" I said trying to convince myself.

"I did." I heard Bree say.

"Come on!" Davenport said while dragging me up to my room.

"This can't go well." I thought to myself as he locked the door.

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 **Uh oh. Why is Davenport so angry? Will Chase stop the horrible thing that he's doing? Those questions will be answered in the... Hehe**

 **Next chapter! Have a good day (or night!)!**


	3. I Just Wanna Die

**Here I am! And here is chapter 3!**

 **[Trigger Warning: Attempt At Suicide]**

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Chase POV

"WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?!" He shouted at me

"WHAT EVEN GAVE YOU THE IDEA TO DO THAT?! YOU ARE STUPID! YOU KNOW THAT THAT'S ADDICTING RIGHT?!"

"I'm sorry!" I cried

"I didn't realize how bad it really was!" I just wanted to disappear. I felt horrible.

"Just... Ugh! I expected more from you. Why did you do that? Do you think your fat? Do you even know what that does to you?!"

"I-I didn't know you would react like this." I really didn't know what to do.

He sighed heavily and sat down on the floor next to me. "You know bulimia is a disease right?"

"Yes."

"You know it's a disease that kills right?"

"Yes."

"Then why do you do it?!"

"I don't know, it's like, taken over my mind or something. I don't want to do it but I do!" I started crying.

Mr. Davenport threw his hands in the air in frustration. "Just... Just stop okay?!" He told me right before getting up and leaving slamming the door shut behind him.

"I don't know how to stop! I don't know how to do anything anymore! I just feel helpless!" I said to myself.

I got up and ran to the bathroom.

Nothing mattered anymore.

I grabbed a pocket knife from a drawer and locked the door.

I took the knife "This is it." I said.

"All those worries will be gone. You don't have to worry about anything ever again."

"My family doesn't have to worry about my so called "eating disorder" because I will be gone."

I slashed my wrist.

Yes it was painful but I didn't even care.

Really dark red blood ran down my arm and dripped onto the floor.

Why wasn't this working fast enough?! Only a little bit was coming out!

I cut my wrist a second time.

I started feeling light-headed, I just wanted to die right now. I cut my wrist again and again and again!

Much more blood came out.

I fainted.

Bree POV

After seeing how Mr. Davenport reacted I wasn't sure if it was a good idea to tell him about the whole "I think Chase is bulimic" thing.

"I can't believe him! How can he not stop?!" I heard Davenport say as he stormed through the room.

I didn't know what to think. I couldn't believe it either, of course, anything can happen. I sighed and went upstairs. I thought I might as well go talk to him.

"Chase?" He wasn't in his room. Must've been in the bathroom.

"Chase are you in there?" I asked knocking on the door. No answer.

"Chase?" I saw that the door was locked.

And then I saw it.

Dark blood running out of the crack of the door.

"CHASE OPEN THIS DOOR RIGHT NOW!" I screamed trying to open the door.

"ADAM!" I yelled for my older brother.

"What's wrong?" He asked me.

"Break the lock on this door!" I commanded him.

He did as was told and thew the door open.

I screamed at what I saw.

"CHASEY!" Adam yelled as he tried to wake him up.

He just laid there. Motionless. Bleeding. Blood was everywhere.

"Bree! Go call 911 asap!" Adam told me.

I super speeded downstairs and called 911. I told Tasha and Mr. Davenport and they freaked out.

"Why would he do that? There is something seriously wrong with that boy!" I heard my father rant.

I was staring out of the window waiting for the ambulance to arrive, meanwhile, Adam and Tasha were trying to stop Chase's bleeding. Leo was keeping an eye out for the ambulance too.

"I think I see them!" I heard Leo shout.

They came bursting in, grabbed Chase and stuffed him in the back of the ambulance. None of us could ride in the ambulance with him so we had followed them to the hospital.

-At The Hospital-

I was pacing back and forth in the waiting room not knowing what to do. Tasha kept urging me to calm down but who was she to talk? She was doing the exact same thing! Besides, how could I calm down?

The doctor came and told us that he'll be okay but he has lost a lot of blood and we could go see him in the ER, only two people were allowed though, so me and Tasha went first.

When we walked in Chase was watching TV, and there was another person sitting there.

"Hey Chase!" Both me and Tasha greeted him with a smile.

"Hi guys..." He said not happy at all.

I cleared my voice "How are you doing?" I asked.

"I just failed at my suicide attempt, how do you think I'm doing?"

"Okay." I said trying to hold back the tears.

"Uh, honey I just want you to know that we are here for you, okay?" Tasha told him.

"I-I know. Kind of." He looked a little scared.

I didn't know what to say.

"Wow there is absolutely no light in here! It's 6:00 am!" I said turning on the light.

"No! I mean... I like it to be dark." He told me.

"Sorry I just thought it was a little depressing in here." I said as I shut the light off.

"I'm not depressing!" Chase said.

"I didn't say you were!" I always say the wrong things.

"Well that's what it sounded like you were implying."

"Um... I think we'll go, but we will visit you again when you get a room which should be soon, okay?" Tasha said.

"Okay, thanks for coming." Chase said as he turned over on his other side.

"Of course baby!" Tasha said, and then we left.

Phew, I was glad to be out of there.

Chase POV

I was kinda sad when Bree and Tasha left. I was a alone besides the person who was watching me to make sure I didn't hurt myself again. I don't know why he was there since there was nothing there to actually use to hurt myself

I saw Mr. Davenport and Adam walk in.

"Hey are you okay?" Adam asked me. No I wasn't, I was not liking my father at the moment.

"I'm fine." I told him.

"It's dark in here, the only light source at the moment is this little bitty TV up here in the corner." Adam pointed out.

"I like it dark." I told him.

"Well you couple at least have a bigger TV."

"Adam... Never mind." It was no use arguing with him.

Mr. Davenport hasn't said a word yet.

"Hi Mr. Davenport." There was no harm in saying hi.

"Hey can we please be excused?" He asked the man who was watching me.

"Yeah no problem." He said. Both him and Adam left.

Mr. Davenport sat next to my bed.

"Chase, what were you thinking?" He asked me.

"What do you mean what was I thinking?"

"Chase! You slit your wrist! Why would you do that?! I really don't get you sometimes."

"I don't know I just... Did it! To be honest I wasn't even really thinking!"

"Well you should have been! I can't believe you! No, I can! You are stupid and crazy!"

"I-I'm sorry! I just didn't know how to deal with it, so I just decided that I'd end it all. So I wouldn't have to deal with anything."

"You are such a wimp. Just deal with your problems like everyone else!" He got up and left.

He was right. I was a wimp.

"Hey Chase We are leaving now!" Adam said. And they left.

They should be glad that suicide watch existed, cause if it didn't, I would be doing anything to end my life right now.

I hated myself.

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 **I am sorry it has taken me so !ong to update, I am also sorry if this chapter seemed a little rushed. I was pretty busy (and still am) and I haven't even written the next chapter yet.**

 **Anyway I hope you enjoyed this chapter even though it was a little... Er... Sad.**

 **Poor chasey. See you next chapter!**


	4. Nightmares and Coping

**Sorry I took so long to update this story. I have been really busy. Here is chapter 4.**

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15 **Days Later**

Tasha POV

About 2 days ago they trusted that Chase would not harm himself so they took him off suicide watch, but they actually have cameras in the room that Chase doesn't know about. They don't check them all the time maybe a few times a day.

Ever since they got rid of suicide watch I have been watching him like a hawk. They say that they might release him tomorrow but it is me and Donald's decision on whether or not we send him to a psychiatric hospital, but they do recommend we get him a counsler.

I would not send him to a psychiatric hospital because I know how much worse doing that would be for him. I was just a few years older than him when my parents forced me to go.

Donald has never visited since Chase was first put into his room. I was worried about him because he really hasn't been himself lately, and I heard him yell at chase when he was in the ER. I have no idea what he said when he got his room.

I was sitting next to Chase with him sound asleep. I felt my heart break thinking about how he almost killed himself. I thanked God a thousand times that we found him.

I listened to his soft snore looking at him sleeping so peacefully. I wish I could just tell him everything would be okay... But that's not true.

I genuinely think of him as my child even if he's not. We are not very close, not as close as I am to Leo, but I do want him to think of me as a mom to talk to when he needs one.

I don't want to be thought of as the woman Donald married by any of them. I want them to think of me as their mom.

I just happened to glance at the clock and it was almost midnight. I figured I could go home and get some rest and come back in the morning. I really didn't want Chase to be alone.

I grabbed my purse and keys taking one more look at Chase.

"Poor kid, please be okay." I whispered to myself before softly and slowly closing the door behind me.

Chase POV

 _I was surrounded by empty food containers and packages. Oh no, I didn't!_

 _I could feel my stomach was hurting like crazy and that feeling was the one I feared most. I must have binged!_

 _I couldn't control myself as I got up and quickly ran to the bathroom to throw up whatever I ate, I don't even remember binging! I stuck my fingers as far as I could down my throat but nothing would come up._

 _I tried again and nothing._

 _I quickly stood up and grabbed my toothbrush off of the counter and tried using that._

 _Nothing, not even water._

 _I punched myself in the stomach as hard as I could and stuck the toothbrush down my throat as far as possible._

 _I accidentally let go of the toothbrush and started choking on it. I tried to get it out but I couldn't find it. I couldn't breathe. I tried calling for help but I was still choking for what felt like hours._

 _So this is how my life is going to end, a stomach full of food with a toothbrush down my throat lying next to a toilet. My family is going to find me like this._

 _I breathed in deeply and prepared for the worst._

 _Wait._

 _I breathed._

 _I looked down and the toothbrush was in my hand. The tool that almost and sure as heck could have killed me was in my hand._

 _I was so relieved but at the same time shaken to bone. I almost died all because I binged. I have to stay away from food._

 _I just barely was able to stand up and I walked out of the bathroom expecting to be in the hallway. Nope. I was sure enough in the kitchen, eating more food!_

 _I panicked and my heart raced as the sand which I was previously holding fell to the floor. I ran to the sink and just kept asking myself "why couldn't have I died in the bathroom?" Over and over again. I glanced into the sink and lying there was a hand gun._

 _I quickly picked it up faster then Bree ever could and held it to my head. "Goodbye world" I muttered right before pulling the trigger and BOOOOM_

I shot straight up panting heavily as I tried to comprehend what just happened to me. I looked to my left and then to my right and was so panicky I jumped out of bed and ran out of the room.

It took me a few seconds to realize that I was running around the hall shouting and crying at the same time.

Some nurses rushed to my side and held me down while trying to comfort me.

"Calm down and tell me what's wrong" one of the nurses said.

I tried to speak but nothing would come out, I could still feel the tears pouring out of my eyes and on to my shirt as I tried to say I was okay.

One of the nurses called for help and I knew that after this the chances of me getting out of the hospital were slim.

Adam POV

Ever since Chasey tried to kill himself I have been terrified. Everyone has, except Mr. Davenport for some reason.

Bree saw Chase yesterday but I didn't go, I haven't seen him since the ER actually. When I left the room I cried because seeing my baby brother like that hurts, really bad. I can't handle seeing him again because I know I am going to cry.

I have to be the strong one. Chase shouldn't see me cry, neither should Bree and Tasha. I have to stay strong for my family especially Chase.

Seeing him spread out across the bathroom floor lying in a pool of blood made me so scared, I just wished I could have been on that floor and not him.

I may not show it but I really care about Chasey, and when he is released I am going to show it more because he clearly needs someone to care for him.

I will apologize for all the bionic brother tosses, me teasing him about his hair and me hitting him for no reason. Sometimes I feel as if it's... My fault.

I don't want him to feel unloved, unappreciated, or neglected. I want him to feel safe and happy at home.

"Hey Adam." Bree said not as cheerful and happy as normal. You could really tell how much this affected her too.

"Are you okay?" I asked my sister as she stared at the TV that was off.

"Fine. Why?" I knew she was lying.

"You know with Chase and all it's just... It's been a bad month." I said hoping she would admit she was hurting. I know my sister and she knows me.

"I am fine Adam." I glared at her and she sighed in defeat.

"Okay things have been horrible for me without Chase. Can you leave me alone?" She said before she turned around to face the wall. I could hear her quietly sobbing.

I hugged her which made her mad before but then she gave up and accepted it and she hugged me back.

"Things will get better, I promise." I told her.

"I know." She said as she pulled away from the hug.

"Thanks Adam, I needed that. You're a great big brother." She said before super speeding to get her bookbag.

That hug made me feel better too.

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 **Aw, poor Adam and Bree, I know they miss their younger brother. Speaking of Chase, what was up with that strange panic attack and nightmare he had? I sure hope he is okay. And what is going on with Donald? Find out in future chapters and stay tuned!**


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